A rail commuter is standing on a platform getting increasingly annoyed as he listens to announcements about late and cancelled trains. Seeing a railway worker he marches over to him and says, “You tell me, just what is the point of having a time table if the trains are always late?”
“Well,” says the railway worker, “If we didn’t have a timetable, how would you know they
are late?”
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders some soup. It takes a while before the soup to arrive and when it does it’s too hot. While waiting for the soup to cool, the guy needs to go to the bathroom. But before he leaves the table he thinks,
‘While I’m in the bathroom, somebody might eat the soup. What can I do?’ He has this flash of insight, and he pulls out of his pocket a pen and paper. He writes, ‘I’ve spat into the soup!’
After putting the note next to the soup, our clever guy runs quickly to the bathroom.
But horror, when he returns, he sees an addition in pencil on the note. It reads
‘Me too.’
1. Find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. Find a woman that makes good money.
3. Find a woman that like hot sex.
4. And the important point never let these three women meet.
A retired couple are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die before you do?” the husband asks.
After some thought, the wife replies, “I’ll probably look for a house share with three other single women. It might fun to share with women a little younger than myself, as I’ve always been so active.”
“What will you do if I die first?” the wife asks.
We a cheeky smile the husband replies, “Probably the same.”
A couple have eight daughters and desperately want a son. On their ninth attempt they
are finally blessed with a boy. They are so overjoyed that they invite all their friends to
a lavish party to celebrate the birth. While the party is in full swing one of the guests
approaches the father to congratulate him. “So tell me,” he says, “who does your little
boy take after? Does he look like you, or his mum?” The father thinks for a while and
says, “Well, to be honest, I don't know. We haven’t looked at his face yet!”
Wives from North:
1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.
2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.
3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movie theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.
4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.
5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.
6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her gray hair.
7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.
8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her.
9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south India until she met you.
10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "Walk out"
11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.
12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you"
13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson.
Wives from South:
1. Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in IIT or Madras or Anna University .
2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with " ... I say..."
3. She shudders if you use four letter words.
4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)
5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.
6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.
7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)
8. When she mixes milk - curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.
9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.
10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.
11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.
12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')
13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.
14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.
15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it.
16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.
17. She is more educated than you.
18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
7. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
8. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
9. Never lick a steak knife.
10. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
11. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
12. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
13. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
14. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
15. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
16. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
17. Your friends love you anyway.
18. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
© copyright www.FunPagesForYou.blogspot.com a Fun Page
